Tips for Living in the Same Home With Your Spouse When You're Divorcing

​One of the most difficult things about divorce is living in the same house with someone who you’re divorcing. There are many reasons people stay in the same house – they can’t afford to move out, they want to be there for their children or their attorney has advised them to stay in their house. While it’s a difficult situation, there are strategies to lower conflict as you go through divorce and live in the same home. Here are some tips for living in the same house with your spouse when you're going through a divorce.

1. Keep communication civil

Your relationship with your spouse has changed. You don’t need to agree on everything and work through emotional issues. But you do need to be respectful – speak to each other in a respectful tone, say please and thank you, and let each other know what your schedules are. If you have children, the way that you interact can have a significant impact on your children. Avoid engaging in unnecessary arguments or confrontations, as this will only hurt your children and increase the stress for both parties. Instead, focus on maintaining a cordial and business-like approach when discussing matters related to the household, finances, or children (if applicable).

2. Establish clear boundaries

Communicate with your spouse about what each of your expectations are regarding living arrangements, shared spaces, and routines. Establish separate living areas within the home, if possible, to allow for privacy and independence. Schedule a time to communicate weekly to discuss things that are going well and things that need to be changed.

3. Create a temporary parenting plan

If you have children, establish a temporary parenting plan – when each parent will be responsible for the children. Even a partial plan is helpful. Here are some options:

• Alternate Friday to Monday every other weekend
  
• Week on, week off
  
• Monday &Tuesday nights with one parent, Wednesday & Thursday with the other parent
  
• Monday through Thursday with one parent and Friday through Monday with the other parent

4. Avoid talking about the past
Unless you can talk about the past without getting into fights, avoid talking about the past. Fighting about the past when you’re going through divorce is not going to accomplish anything. In general, it’s better to focus on the present and future, rather than the past.

5. Seek support from friends and family

Reach out for support from trusted friends and family members who can provide a listening ear, practical advice, or even temporary accommodations if needed. Having a supportive network to lean on can lower some of the stress and provide a safe outlet for processing your emotions.

6. Let go of anger

Feeling anger while you’re going through divorce is normal. However, holding on to anger for an extended period of time is not helpful.


Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
-Buddha


Writing down your feelings in a journal, writing a letter to the person you’re angry with (but not sending it) and not allowing yourself to focus on the person are all ways to let go of anger. Remember that you’re letting go of anger for you, not the other person.

7. Consider divorce mediation and/or counseling

If tensions continue to rise or conflicts become unmanageable, consider seeking professional help. Legal mediation and/or counseling can provide a safe and neutral space for both individuals to address their concerns and find constructive solutions. A mediator or counselor can facilitate communication, help manage disagreements, and assist with creating a more peaceful living environment until the divorce is finalized.


Self-care is crucial during this emotionally challenging time. Prioritize your physical, mental, and emotional well-being by engaging in activities that nourish your spirit. This may include exercise, practicing mindfulness or meditation, seeking therapy, journaling, or spending time in nature. By taking care of your own needs, you will be better equipped to cope with the stress of living in the same house during the divorce process.

You can navigate this transitional period with greater harmony. Remember to practice patience and self-compassion as you navigate these difficult circumstances, and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.