GROUND RULES FOR LIVING WITH YOUR SOON-TO-BE-EX

Living with your STBX (soon-to-be-ex) is really hard! If you have children together, that makes it even more difficult because you're going to have to learn to communicate and work together. The good news is you won't be living together forever and I’m here to give you some solid help on how to live together during divorce more effectively. 

The biggest key to navigating living together during divorce is to make some ground rules! Rules can protect each of you and provide boundaries during a time when things could get heated really quickly. Here are some ground rules that work well for other couples living together during the divorce process: 

• Stick to the facts and keep it brief. Don’t discuss feelings or get sucked into arguments. Practicing this now will only serve you later on, especially if you are going to be co-parenting. Conflict doesn’t help anyone at this point. Divorce is stressful enough and living in high conflict situations is particularly damaging to children. 

 

• Move your things into a different room. This may seem obvious, but not everyone does it. Physically separating your spaces will help begin the mental/emotional process of starting different lives, even under the same roof. 

 

• Make a parenting schedule. This doesn’t have to be the permanent custody schedule. But have scheduled time where you're with the kids without the other parent. For example, each parent is responsible for the children every other weekend and the other parent will leave the house for the weekend or at least most of the day.

 

• Make an EVERYTHING schedule! Giving one another space during this time will help ease the tension. So make a plan especially for using the shared spaces in the house and keep to it. This could involve when you are using the kitchen, the backyard, or the shower.

 

• Take care of yourself while also staying busy! Try not to be home all the time as this will only elevate your stress. Have a plan to be out regularly whether it’s socializing, going for a walk every day, taking a class or participating in a community activity. This time will move faster if you aren’t always sitting at home. Make it a priority to do things that are life-giving during this time of grief and stress - it will lay the foundation for enjoying your future life.

I hope these ideas help you navigate this tough time period that you’re in the same house with your STBX. These suggestions will help make this time less painful for you, your kids and your soon-to-be-ex.