There are many myths and misconceptions about divorce, so it's essential to have accurate information when you’re thinking about or going through divorce. This blog post will debunk some of the most common myths and provide facts that will help you manage your feelings during this difficult time.
Myth #1: You'll never be happy again
It’s a common misconception that divorce permanently destroys people's lives and leaves them unhappy. While it’s true that divorce can be a stressful and challenging experience, it does not have to be a life-destroying event. In fact, many people find that they ultimately land in a happier and more fulfilling place after divorce.
If you’re facing divorce, try to keep an open mind and remember that your life is not over. You’ll still have the chance to create the future you want, regardless of what’s happened in the past. With the proper support and perspective, it’s possible to emerge from divorce stronger and more confident.
Myth #2: You can do this on your own
Many people feel shame as they go through divorce and don’t reach out to friends and family for support. This is exactly the opposite of what you should do. You need as much support as possible – friends, family, a therapist, divorce coach, your religious community – anyone who will be supportive and non-judgmental. You don’t have to tell everyone about the divorce. Choose wisely who you can trust and share what you’re going through. You’ll find that will decrease the feelings of shame and you’ll build a supportive community who will help you get to the other side of your divorce.
Myth #3: The marriage failed so you’re a failure
People going through divorce feel like they’ve failed. However, people who go through divorce are some of the strongest people. You're faced with daily obstacles like how to communicate with your soon-to-be-ex (STBX) when they’re not respectful, how to explain difficult topics to your children, how to look for a new place to live and how to manage your emotions so that you can work and take care of your children. Each obstacle you get through is a success and demonstrates how strong you are.
Myth #4: Rushing into a new relationship makes divorce grief easier
One of the biggest myths about divorce is when people think that if they find a new partner, their grief will end. Grief is a process that takes time and if you don’t allow yourself to go through the grieving process, you’re just avoiding and delaying the grief. It's important to give yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage before jumping into another relationship. The grieving process involves giving yourself the time to feel uncomfortable emotions and expressing those emotions finding by journaling, talking about them with friends or family, or working with a therapist. If you don’t give yourself the time to process your grief, you'll just repeat the same pain and hurt cycle. Once you have given yourself time to grieve and heal, then you can start fresh with someone new when you're emotionally ready.
Divorce can be a difficult and isolating experience, but you don't have to go through it alone. There are plenty of resources available to help you through this tough time, including divorce coaches, support groups and therapists. Take advantage of these resources and allow yourself to grieve in a healthy way.
Jill Barnett Kaufman is a Divorce Coach, Therapist, Parent Educator and Divorce Mediator. She is an experienced professional who helps clients discover new ways to resolve a variety of challenges when considering divorce, starting the process of divorce or are already divorced.