DIVORCE COACH JILL
  • Home
  • About
  • Divorce Coaching
  • Services
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Thriving Through Divorce Online Group Coaching Program
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Disclaimer

Divorce coach jill
- ​Blog -

How to move on when you're going through divorce - ABSOLUTELY POWERFUL!

5/26/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
Moving on from divorce isn’t easy for most people. You may feel overwhelmed, angry and sad and not know how to deal with these intense emotions. It’s difficult to start to find a new path for your life after you’ve spent many years building a life with someone and that person isn’t a part of your life anymore. But you will be able to recover and there are several things that you can do to build a happy and fulfilling life after divorce.
 
The first step toward moving on is to understand what went wrong in your marriage. This doesn’t mean that you assign blame, in fact it’s the opposite. Reflect on what was wrong in the relationship in a non-judgmental way. What was the relationship lacking? What needs weren’t met for you and for your partner? The more you understand your past, the easier it will be to start the process of letting go and moving on.
 
It’s normal to feel grief when you’re going through divorce and it takes time to process those feelings. Processing feelings involves thinking about them, talking about them and possibly writing or drawing them. It involves feeling the feelings which is difficult and many people avoid feeling the feelings for good reason. Although it can be painful, if you don't process your grief you can get stuck and you won't be able to build your new life.

Grief is processed by going through the following stages:
  • Denial - “This isn’t happening”
  • Bargaining – “If I try one more time, things will be different.”
  • Anger – “I can’t stand him!” or "I'm so angry at myself!"
  • Sadness – “I’m never going to have a family again.”
  • Acceptance – “I’m getting divorce and I’m going to be ok.”
 
Journaling is one tool to help process grief. Writing down your feelings enables you to get out what you’re feeling so that you don’t stuff them. Stuffing your feelings can lead to anxiety, depression and physical illness. Also, counseling, divorce coaching and divorce support groups can be really helpful. I run a divorce group coaching program which helps people going through divorce find support from others going through similar experiences in a safe environment.
 
Another way to move on is to set small, achievable goals each day. Maybe it’s a chore that has to be accomplished or starting a new project at home or work – what is your first step towards that goal? Setting small, achievable goals, builds your confidence and enables you to start a process of moving in a positive direction.
 
These techniques take time and work. Having support while you go through this is one of the most important things you can do to get through this process so that you can move on in your life. But if you get your team of support behind you and work at this moving on process, you will be able to develop a happy and fulfilling life for yourself. It’s definitely worth it!
 
 
 

1 Comment

How to let go of anger in divorce and focus on the present

2/29/2020

2 Comments

 
Picture
The experience of divorce often involves intense feelings of anger. Whether it’s due to an ex’s behavior in the past or the adversarial divorce process, it’s tempting to hold onto that anger. However, letting the anger and pain dictate how you function each day will not help the healing process or get you where you want to go. It’s like trying to ride a bike with flat tires, you’re not going to get anywhere!
 
As good as it feels to point fingers at your ex’s mistakes, focusing on that will only create more animosity and won’t move you forward in your life. Yes, you probably have many reasons to be angry and frustrated at your ex but save those conversations for a therapist or a trusted friend. Don’t talk about it to your children, your attorney or your ex. Talking to your children will negatively impact them – they love their other parent and feel badly when anything negative is said about a parent. Talking to your attorney can cost you a significant amount of money. And talking to your ex about his or her mistakes will just escalate things and slow your progress in the divorce.
 
So how do you handle all the anger and emotions? You need to have a place where you can process what happened. A therapist, a trusted friend or a divorce support group are all great options. I run a Facebook support group – Separation and Divorce Support Community – which is one good option. Once you’ve started to process all the feelings that you’re going through, it helps to put your intention on learning from the past instead of reacting to it. What have you learned from your relationship with your ex? What can you do differently because of this learning? Take the time to come up with a plan for yourself and what you want in your future.
 
This may seem unfair because you weren’t treated fairly or you aren’t getting a fair deal. But what’s more important in life – fairness or peace? Fairness or happiness? If you could be happy and peaceful, what is that worth to you?
 
With every door that closes, another one opens. Embrace this new opportunity as a new stage of your life with happiness, peace and hope. Your personal transformation is an exciting time with endless possibilities. Let go of the anger and go for what you want. You deserve it!!


2 Comments

WARNing! is forgiveness possible after divorce?

1/14/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
Most of the time, when a couple goes through separation and divorce, many angry and resentful feelings occur and it's difficult to see any way to forgive an ex-spouse. However, there are ways to work toward forgiveness. Not only will you benefit from forgiving your ex-spouse, if you have children, they will benefit tremendously.
 
Forgiveness involves a change of heart and occurs at different times for different people. Circumstances can impact the ability to forgive. If there was an affair, an addiction or some other betrayal, it may take longer to forgive. But there are many reasons to forgive your ex-spouse, including the impact that not forgiving has on you.
 
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Buddha
 
When you hold onto anger, you’re hurting yourself. You can become stuck in the feelings from the past and it can hold you back from moving on with your life. In addition, it doesn’t feel good to be angry much of the time. It’s not good for people physically to be angry and to hold onto anger. Finally, it can negatively impact children when one or both of their parents are angry at the other.
 
So how can you let go of your anger? The first step is getting it out. You can talk about it to a friend or therapist or write about it in a journal. Find a way to release some of the feelings and that will help you move on.
 
Forgiving yourself is part of the process of forgiveness after divorce. Being angry with your ex may be a way for you not to look at how angry you are at yourself. You may feel guilt, remorse and shame. If you develop empathy for your ex-spouse, you may then feel worthy of empathy and forgiveness also, potentially leading to self-forgiveness. This can lead to a journey of healing and the ability to move on in your life.
 
Although forgiveness may feel like the last thing you want to do, forgiving another and forgiving yourself may be exactly what you need. It will ultimately restore your personal power, reduce negativity and create peace in your life once again.
1 Comment

    Author

    Jill Barnett Kaufman is a Divorce Coach, Therapist, Parent Educator and Divorce Mediator. She is an experienced professional who helps clients discover new ways to resolve a variety of challenges when considering divorce, starting the process of divorce or are already divorced. 

    Archives

    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020

    Categories

    All
    Communication
    Co Parenting
    Co-parenting
    Divorce
    Forgiveness
    Marriage
    Relationships

    RSS Feed

If you are in crisis or in need of emergency assistance, please call 911.
Join the Facebook group Separation and Divorce Support Community by clicking below: 
Divorce Support Community
What Clients Are Saying:
​

"I spoke with Jill when my marriage first broke down.  Her intelligent and compassionate guidance helped me make positive choices for myself and my children during the divorce process.  Now, I’m on the other side, living my new chapter.  Her book is a valuable tool in processing feelings, approaching challenges, and setting goals for the future.  Thank you, Jill!"
 
Patti S. New Jersey

"I happened to come upon Thriving Through Divorce on Facebook. I can genuinely state that it was one of the best decisions that I have made in this entire process. The support, guidance, caring, information - both tactical and emotional was extremely helpful. This was not some theoretical, book/psychology focused approach - It is real life and real impact! I could expand on this for quite a bit more, but suffice to say that I was more than thankful for having happened to find Jill and her program and the group has been an amazing blessing. Thank you Jill on behalf of all of us."

S.Y. Denver, CO

"I am truly grateful for participating in the "Thriving Through Divorce Group Coaching Program" developed by Jill. It was refreshing to know that divorce will not define who I am. This program provided great tools to aide in managing and working through the emotions that come up during the divorce process. Jill's knowledge and personal experience with divorce helped me to learn what common mistakes to avoid during the divorce process. It was a breath of fresh air to know what I wasn't the only person going through such a major life event."
 
J.B. Iowa


"I spoke to Jill over six months ago and now I'm back to reflect. I'm stronger and in a better place in my life. Jill helped springboard me to where I am today and I'm grateful for her help."
J.A.

Email: info@divorcecoachjill.com
Phone: 609-400-2888
​
Connect with us: 
To get more information, click the button below: 
more information
For our privacy policy, click here,  for our Terms of Use, click here and for our Disclaimer, click here.
  • Home
  • About
  • Divorce Coaching
  • Services
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Thriving Through Divorce Online Group Coaching Program
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Disclaimer