Going through divorce can be one of the most challenging and emotionally draining experiences in a person's life. There is so many things to be worried about – how to support yourself, how to be a single parent if you have children, how to meet a new partner, just to name a few. Plus, as you go through divorce, you can lose your confidence. You can beat yourself up for mistakes that you’ve made. However, divorce is an opportunity for you to grow as a person and make your life everything you’ve always wanted it to be. In this blog, we will explore strategies to help you overcome your fears and regain your confidence during and after divorce.
1. Process Your Emotions
Many people avoid feeling the pain that comes with divorce. They avoid it by doing things like working hard, getting into a new relationship or hyperfocusing on their children. In order to heal, you need to feel the pain, sadness, anger, grief and any other emotion that comes up. Journaling, therapy, coaching and joining a support group are all great ways to process your feelings. This is the first step toward healing and building your confidence.
2. Don’t get stuck in your grief
It’s easy to get stuck thinking about your feelings all day, every day. You can have negative thoughts that continue to come at you and they won’t stop:
“Why did I marry this person?”
“Why doesn’t he/she want to be with me?”
“I’m never going to be happy again.”
“My children are not going to be ok.”
It’s so important that you allow yourself some time each day to feel your feelings. But it shouldn’t be all day. Give yourself 20-30 minutes a day to do this and then focus on your life – work, kids, seeing friends, a movie, etc. You’ll be able to heal faster if you don’t focus on your feelings all of the time.
3. Set Realistic Expectations
Understand that the healing process may take time, and it's okay to have setbacks along the way. Recognize that healing is a gradual journey, and it's perfectly normal to experience moments of self-doubt. Be kind and patient with yourself.
4. Rediscover Your Interests and Passions
Divorce can leave you feeling lost, as the life you once knew changes. This is an opportunity to rediscover who you are an what your interests and passions are. Try new hobbies and activities that are interesting to you. Join a painting class, learn bridge or play tennis. Exploring new interests can help you build self-confidence and a sense of purpose.
5. Focus on Self-Care
Self-care is vital during and after a divorce. This can include regular exercise, a balanced diet, meditation, and relaxation techniques. When you feel good physically, it can boost your self-esteem and help you regain confidence.
6. Set and Pursue Personal Goals
Setting and working towards personal goals can be an excellent way to rebuild your confidence. Start with small, achievable goals and gradually work your way up. These goals can be related to your career, personal growth, or even travel. Each accomplishment, no matter how small, will boost your self-esteem.
7. Visualize a Positive Future
What do you want your life to be in a year or five years from now? Picture a life where you are happy, successful, and content. This vision can be your guiding light as you work through the challenges of divorce.
Going through a divorce is difficult, but you can conquer your fears and build back your confidence. You can do this by processing your emotions, seeking support, setting realistic expectations, rediscovering your interests, focusing on self-care, pursuing personal goals, and visualizing a positive future. Remember that healing and personal growth are possible, and an amazing new chapter awaits you.
Jill Barnett Kaufman is a Divorce Coach, Therapist, Parent Educator and Divorce Mediator. She is an experienced professional who helps clients discover new ways to resolve a variety of challenges when considering divorce, starting the process of divorce or are already divorced.