Reconnecting with yourself through divorce

Divorce can be an adjustment in many ways, especially if you aren’t used to being on your own. One of the top struggles I hear from clients is that they are lonely. Being alone can be a positive as you learn to like yourself. Whether you’re going through divorce or not, learning to like yourself and enjoy your time alone is good for you.

Studies show the ability to enjoy being alone has been linked to increased happiness, better life satisfaction, and improved stress management. People who enjoy alone time experience less depression. Spending time alone also improves concentration and allows your brain to reboot. Instead of feeling lonely, you can embrace the time you get to spend by yourself and recognize the emotional benefits.

One way to spend time alone when you're separated or divorced is to take yourself on dates. Sometimes when you're married and raising children, you forget what made you happy before you were married. It’s so important to get to know yourself again after divorce and remember what you used to like to do. Taking yourself on dates is a great way to do that. 

Here are some things to keep in mind when choosing what to do with your time on your own. Try to make sure that your time checks at least one of these boxes:

Do something that makes you laugh! Or feels fun. 

• Go to a movie, a comedy show, or do something you haven’t done since childhood, like roller skating, bumper cars or an arcade

Do something that helps you relax, mind and body. 

• Get a massage, visit some hot springs, take a bubble bath, try meditation, or go to the symphony or a concert

Choose to learn something new and interesting

• Watch a documentary while snuggled up on the couch, go to a lecture at a local university, watch a webinar on a topic that interests you, or try a new hobby

Do something that pushes you out of your comfort zone

• Go out to dinner by yourself, try a new sport, join a hiking club, sing karaoke in a public place, take a public speaking course

Do something that gives you an adrenaline rush

• Go skydiving, ride a roller coaster, travel solo internationally, try scuba diving, go horseback riding

Reconnecting with yourself is different for each of us. It’s up to you how much you focus on this - you could spend an hour on your solo date once a week or much more than that. The main thing to keep in mind is to do it regularly. Soon it will become something you look forward to and you’ll learn to welcome that time that you get to yourself!