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the greatest predictor of divorce: contempt

1/14/2020

12 Comments

 
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According to John Gottman, founder of The Gottman Institute which is devoted to helping couples build and maintain healthy relationships, the greatest predictor of divorce is contempt. Contempt means attacking your partner’s sense of self with an insult and includes sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, rolling the eyes, sneering, mockery and hostile humor. Some examples:
  • “You’re selfish. You never compromise.”
  • “You’re late. What’s wrong with you? You’re just like your father.”
  • “ You forgot to unload the dishwasher again. You’re so lazy.”
 
These statements are destructive to the relationship and make your partner feel defeated. Avoid these responses at all times. If you’ve said things like this to your partner, you can apologize and start working on eliminating them.
 
People communicate contempt to their partners because of several reasons:
 
  1. There is built up resentment and anger from the past. Do you have things that you’re angry at your partner about from years ago? Do you find it difficult to let that anger go? It’s very hard to be kind to your partner if you’re angry at them. It’s very important to discuss what you’re angry about with your partner. If that’s difficult for you, enlist the help of an individual or couples therapist to help you.
  2. They witnessed their parents being hurtful to each other and thought that was ok. They weren’t taught positive ways to interact with a loved one. Even if a parent never treated you like that, if you witnessed your parents being hurtful to each other, you could end up treating your partner in similar ways.
  3. Their partner treats them with contempt. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because your partner isn’t treating you well does not make it ok for you to do the same. Instead, you can put up boundaries with your partner and let them know that you won’t accept them saying hurtful things. Put your hand up and say, “Stop. Please say that in a nicer way.”
 
What do you do when there is contempt when you communicate with your partner? Build respect and appreciation in your relationship. Regularly express the following:
  • Appreciation: “Wow, you cut the grass today. It looks really nice. Thanks for doing that every week.”
  • Gratitude: “I really appreciate that you ask me about my day. It feels really good to come home and know that you care.”
  • Affection: hold hands, kiss for longer than 6 seconds, watch tv while snuggling on the couch, say “I love you” after sex
  • Respect: Show respect even when you’re upset with your partner.
  • “I understand that you have your point of view on this. It would be great if you could try to look at it from my point of view.”
  • “I don’t know if you realize it but when you’re late I feel like you’re not caring about me.”
  • “I know that you don’t mean to upset me but it’s hard for me when you forget to unload the dishwasher.”
 
Five or more positive interactions can counteract one negative interaction. There are simple ways to add positive interactions into your day which has shown to decrease conflict and improve intimacy in couples. Remind yourself of your partners positive qualities. Why did you start dating him or her? What was it about your partner that you fell in love with? If you can keep these things in mind and eliminate contempt, you will be able to have a happier relationship and avoid the path of divorce. ​
12 Comments
Bella George
12/2/2020 04:30:42 pm

HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR JUMBA  CONTACT ON WHATSAPP NUMBER +1 (908) 517 4108 

This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Jumba who help me....  am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you Dr Jumba  . Please I want to tell everyone who is looking for a solution to their problems, I advise you to kindly consult Dr Jumba  , he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tells is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on whatsapp : +1 (908) 517 4108 or email him : wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com  .  website :  https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com/

Reply
Beth
8/6/2021 10:26:28 am

It's a privilege to share this miraculous testimony to the world. I'm Beth Walters from England. My husband divorced me 4 months back and I have been filled with remorse for I didn't know what to do to amend issues with my husband. I searched for help on the internet on how I could get help in my marriage and I discovered great testimonies about Priest Ade who has been progressive with his spells. I got in touch with him and behold, Priest Ade told me that he will prepare a spell for me that will bring back my husband. I was skeptical but I had no other option but to work with him. 2 days later, my husband called me to say that he's coming back home and from that day till this moment, we have been living peacefully. He is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster has the power to bring lovers back and the most surprising thing is that our love is very strong now,every day is happiness and joy. and There is nothing like being with the man you love. I will highly recommend Priest Ade  to anyone one out there who needs help whatsoever. If you have any problem contact Priest Ade, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you!!.  ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com or ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com
Write him on Whats-app +2347059715465 https://ancientspiritspell.wordpress.com

Reply
ROSE VICKI
1/23/2022 01:34:02 pm

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My Husband broke up with me after 9years of relationship. It started from small misunderstandings after which he told me that it would be good to take a break, which I think turned into a breakup. He no longer looks for me, he blocked my number and people said they saw him with another woman, this brought tears to my eyes because we are about to marry, I searched for help when I came across this spiritual man called PRIEST OSAS who have helped many people having relationship problem, I talked with him about my situation and he described to me the process to get back with my lover, I followed his instructions and today I'm happy because my man came back after 5 months of breakup and we are happily married now. If you need the help of a spell caster for any kind of relationship problem contact PRIEST OSAS for a lasting solution. EMAIL: Unsurpassed.solution@gmail.com
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Beth
8/6/2021 10:25:20 am

It's a privilege to share this miraculous testimony to the world. I'm Beth Walters from England. My husband divorced me 4 months back and I have been filled with remorse for I didn't know what to do to amend issues with my husband. I searched for help on the internet on how I could get help in my marriage and I discovered great testimonies about Priest Ade who has been progressive with his spells. I got in touch with him and behold, Priest Ade told me that he will prepare a spell for me that will bring back my husband. I was skeptical but I had no other option but to work with him. 2 days later, my husband called me to say that he's coming back home and from that day till this moment, we have been living peacefully. He is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster has the power to bring lovers back and the most surprising thing is that our love is very strong now,every day is happiness and joy. and There is nothing like being with the man you love. I will highly recommend Priest Ade  to anyone one out there who needs help whatsoever. If you have any problem contact Priest Ade, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you!!.  ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com or ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com
Write him on Whats-app +2347059715465 https://ancientspiritspell.wordpress.com

Reply
ROSE VICKI
1/23/2022 01:33:37 pm

I Need A Real Spell Caster To Help Me Bring Back My Ex Lover Urgently 2022, WhatsApp +1(419)359-4367 He Is The Best Spell Caster Online And His Result Is 100% Guaranteed.


My Husband broke up with me after 9years of relationship. It started from small misunderstandings after which he told me that it would be good to take a break, which I think turned into a breakup. He no longer looks for me, he blocked my number and people said they saw him with another woman, this brought tears to my eyes because we are about to marry, I searched for help when I came across this spiritual man called PRIEST OSAS who have helped many people having relationship problem, I talked with him about my situation and he described to me the process to get back with my lover, I followed his instructions and today I'm happy because my man came back after 5 months of breakup and we are happily married now. If you need the help of a spell caster for any kind of relationship problem contact PRIEST OSAS for a lasting solution. EMAIL: Unsurpassed.solution@gmail.com
WhatsApp: +1 (419) 359 4367

http://unsurpassedsolutionhome.website2.me/

https://unsurpassedsolution.blogspot.com/

Reply
cecillia hills
2/16/2022 01:14:28 pm

BEST AND URGENT LOVE SPELL TO GET BACK WITH YOUR EX HUSBAND/WIFE THROUGH A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER CALLED LORD ZULU CONTACT HIM NOW FOR YOUR TESTIMONIES. CONTACT HIM ON WHATSAPP NOW @+1(909) 781-4612.

Hello everyone, my name is Cecilia Hills, I'm here to testify of a powerful love spell caster called lord Zulu, who helped me stabilize my relationship and solved all the problems that's been going on in my life. I was confused and devastated when my husband left me and my kids without a word, I needed him back because I love him so much, I told my friend about how he left me. So a friend of mine introduced me to this powerful and reliable spell caster who had helped her in getting her lover back, so I contacted him and he promised that in less than 72 hours he will come back to me. After I did all he asked, to my greatest surprise my husband who had refused to speak with me came to my house and asked for forgiveness for all he had made me go through and now we are living happily together, I will forever be grateful to you Lord Zulu if you have any relationship problem I will advise you to contact him now for your testimonies. Contact him on WhatsApp @+1(909) 781-4612. OR
Email @ allsupremepowersolutionhome@gmail.comwebsite: allsupremepowersolutionhom.website2.me

Reply
cecillia hills
2/16/2022 01:15:19 pm

BEST AND URGENT LOVE SPELL TO GET BACK WITH YOUR EX HUSBAND/WIFE THROUGH A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER CALLED LORD ZULU CONTACT HIM NOW FOR YOUR TESTIMONIES. CONTACT HIM ON WHATSAPP NOW @+1(909) 781-4612.

Hello everyone, my name is Cecilia Hills, I'm here to testify of a powerful love spell caster called lord Zulu, who helped me stabilize my relationship and solved all the problems that's been going on in my life. I was confused and devastated when my husband left me and my kids without a word, I needed him back because I love him so much, I told my friend about how he left me. So a friend of mine introduced me to this powerful and reliable spell caster who had helped her in getting her lover back, so I contacted him and he promised that in less than 72 hours he will come back to me. After I did all he asked, to my greatest surprise my husband who had refused to speak with me came to my house and asked for forgiveness for all he had made me go through and now we are living happily together, I will forever be grateful to you Lord Zulu if you have any relationship problem I will advise you to contact him now for your testimonies. Contact him on WhatsApp @+1(909) 781-4612. OR
Email @ allsupremepowersolutionhome@gmail.comwebsite: allsupremepowersolutionhom.website2.me

Reply
cecillia hills
2/16/2022 01:15:56 pm

BEST AND URGENT LOVE SPELL TO GET BACK WITH YOUR EX HUSBAND/WIFE THROUGH A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER CALLED LORD ZULU CONTACT HIM NOW FOR YOUR TESTIMONIES. CONTACT HIM ON WHATSAPP NOW @+1(909) 781-4612.

Hello everyone, my name is Cecilia Hills, I'm here to testify of a powerful love spell caster called lord Zulu, who helped me stabilize my relationship and solved all the problems that's been going on in my life. I was confused and devastated when my husband left me and my kids without a word, I needed him back because I love him so much, I told my friend about how he left me. So a friend of mine introduced me to this powerful and reliable spell caster who had helped her in getting her lover back, so I contacted him and he promised that in less than 72 hours he will come back to me. After I did all he asked, to my greatest surprise my husband who had refused to speak with me came to my house and asked for forgiveness for all he had made me go through and now we are living happily together, I will forever be grateful to you Lord Zulu if you have any relationship problem I will advise you to contact him now for your testimonies. Contact him on WhatsApp @+1(909) 781-4612. OR
Email @ allsupremepowersolutionhome@gmail.comwebsite: allsupremepowersolutionhom.website2.me

Reply
cecillia hills
2/16/2022 01:19:00 pm

BEST AND URGENT LOVE SPELL TO GET BACK WITH YOUR EX HUSBAND/WIFE THROUGH A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER CALLED LORD ZULU CONTACT HIM NOW FOR YOUR TESTIMONIES. CONTACT HIM ON WHATSAPP NOW @+1(909) 781-4612.

Hello everyone, my name is Cecilia Hills, I'm here to testify of a powerful love spell caster called lord Zulu, who helped me stabilize my relationship and solved all the problems that's been going on in my life. I was confused and devastated when my husband left me and my kids without a word, I needed him back because I love him so much, I told my friend about how he left me. So a friend of mine introduced me to this powerful and reliable spell caster who had helped her in getting her lover back, so I contacted him and he promised that in less than 72 hours he will come back to me. After I did all he asked, to my greatest surprise my husband who had refused to speak with me came to my house and asked for forgiveness for all he had made me go through and now we are living happily together, I will forever be grateful to you Lord Zulu if you have any relationship problem I will advise you to contact him now for your testimonies. Contact him on WhatsApp @+1(909) 781-4612. OR
Email @ allsupremepowersolutionhome@gmail.comwebsite: allsupremepowersolutionhom.website2.me

Reply
cecillia hills
2/16/2022 01:42:48 pm

BEST AND URGENT LOVE SPELL TO GET BACK WITH YOUR EX HUSBAND/WIFE THROUGH A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER CALLED LORD ZULU CONTACT HIM NOW FOR YOUR TESTIMONIES. CONTACT HIM ON WHATSAPP NOW @+1(909) 781-4612.

Hello everyone, my name is Cecilia Hills, I'm here to testify of a powerful love spell caster called lord Zulu, who helped me stabilize my relationship and solved all the problems that's been going on in my life. I was confused and devastated when my husband left me and my kids without a word, I needed him back because I love him so much, I told my friend about how he left me. So a friend of mine introduced me to this powerful and reliable spell caster who had helped her in getting her lover back, so I contacted him and he promised that in less than 72 hours he will come back to me. After I did all he asked, to my greatest surprise my husband who had refused to speak with me came to my house and asked for forgiveness for all he had made me go through and now we are living happily together, I will forever be grateful to you Lord Zulu if you have any relationship problem I will advise you to contact him now for your testimonies. Contact him on WhatsApp @+1(909) 781-4612. OR
Email @ allsupremepowersolutionhome@gmail.comwebsite: allsupremepowersolutionhom.website2.me

Reply
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Diana Gilbert
5/13/2022 12:30:15 am

POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT BROUGHT MY EX HUSBAND BACK INTO MY LIFE AFTER HE LEFT ME EMAIL HIM VIA EMAIL INFINITYLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM OR INFINITYLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM ADD HIM ON WHATSAPP +2348118829899 

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you can also visit my blog http://dianagilbert05.over-blog.com/

Reply



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    Jill Barnett Kaufman is a Divorce Coach, Therapist, Parent Educator and Divorce Mediator. She is an experienced professional who helps clients discover new ways to resolve a variety of challenges when considering divorce, starting the process of divorce or are already divorced. 

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